Seeing what's infront of you

It has been a difficult start to the week, some successes, some rejection, missing family and friends, tough decisions and the realization that when you move to a new place and start a new life a lot of the time you are still tied to your old life. By this I mean, this morning while writing my morning pages trying to make sense of what is going on in my life I realized that I have been holding on to my old life and not fully recognising the opportunities that lay right in front of me. 

A part of me, a big part, is still holding on to my life in Whistler and romanticizing how wonderful it was.  It was in many ways.  I had wiped out the thoughts and reasoning behind why we moved away from the place I still called home, until today.  In actual fact a part of me never really felt like I was a part of the Big Machine.  At times it was such a fight to be part of that infectious energy.  Maybe I was trying to be something that I wasn't.  Being a part of Whistler in my opinion is like taking heroin, it is super high one day and feeling the love and then there are the low, really low spots.  I have never experienced heroin and it's affects, so really what do I know.  I can only imagine.  I suppose that is life.  My point is I find it interesting that we hold on to what we know and our mind plays tricks on us.  It goes to the safety zone without us even realizing it. Even if it is not safe.  I have had rejection in Whistler with regards to my art career and it hurts because I feel still so loyal to her and as I deal with this emotion I am blinded of what is in front of me.  I have amazing opportunities in front of me, right now, that I SEE and will pursue with vigor. 

I also have realized that I have not fully committed to living in Kimberley, my feet have been one in Kimbo and the other, where to next, back to Whistler, hardly fair.  When I look back I have always been like this.  So it is time to see what is in front of me, a plethora of choices, excellent opportunities, stay positive, enjoy the journey and reap the rewards.  I have reunited with a friend from the past that is on a similar journey and she reminded the world in her blog to keep your thoughts pure as your thoughts will manifest in your life. These words are front and center for me even though I have to constantly remind myself.  This morning has been all about moving past rejection, recognizing the opportunity that lay at my feet, pick it up and grow with it.

I will always have a tumultuous love affair with Whistler and Pemberton but I want to and need to fall in love with the beautiful place I now call home.  It to has it's own magic and incredible beauty and I am sure it has hold of my heart in ways I don't yet recognize.

Have a wonderful day full of possibilities!

Reflections on Morning Pages

I started writing my pages this morning and began to reflect back on what the past eleven months have served up.  Firstly the pursuit of becoming a better painter.  This is a subject that I can dive deeply into.  My constant questioning.  Am I reaching deep enough?  Am I painting what I should be painting?  Does my work speak to people? Does it say what I want it to say?  These are some of the questions that plaque me.  Trying to find answers is difficult because you have to put the questions out there, leaving yourself vulnerable to the responses. 

Being a painter or artist is like perpetually walking a tight rope.  You hold on for dear life and hope your going in the right direction.  You hope your friends and family will encourage you to cross to the other side and if you happen to slip that they will be there to catch you.  It is an overwhelming emotional experience being inside yourself so deeply everyday.  Sometimes you like what you find and other times you recognize the aspects of yourself that you don't really like.  You get addicted to being in this place.  This addiction takes over and you need to come up for air, blow some bubbles, be light on your feet give yourself a rest. 

I suppose living with an artist is not such an easy thing.  The highs and lows of pursing your passion can be a little much.  I am looking at this from my perspective but I have experienced this with my family members.  There passion for pursing skiing, mt biking, music, photography.  The fire needed to accomplish a big dream.  This is what life is about, being fully drenched in what makes you tick.  Finding the bomb, isn't easy but very necessary to living a life that is full.  I set goals for myself, I think sometimes I push to hard and don't take time to savor my success. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to the journey.  When I reflect back on the past year I am taking time to celebrate my successes and recognize what I would like to change about myself.  I celebrate the marriage to my best friend, the man that challenges me to be the best I can be and loves me, all of me.  I am so grateful to have the privilege of being mother to my three beautiful children, inside and out.  They have allowed me to make mistakes and in turn I try to provide them with the love and encouragement to support them in finding their passion.  My wonderful kind Mother who's warmth and love created a safe nest to venture from and return to when I need to.  My father who showed me the treasures life has to offer. There are many people in my life that have offered love, kindness and friendship to me and I try to express this in my work. I hope to give back some of the treasures that I have been bestowed. 

To those of you that are reading my blog....thank you for taking the time to do so and I welcome any comments you may have.  Wishing you a wonderful day!

Working with galleries and the ups and downs of pursuing a new career

May 16, 2011

I joined the Effusion Art Gallery in December of 2010 and I am so fortunate to be represented by this beautiful gallery and have the support and advice of Heather the gallery owner and Daryl the art director.  It has been a learning experience and continues to be.  It is a challenge determining the type of work that shows and sells best in each gallery.  What might work for one artist doesn't mean it will work for another.  I started out with a mix of landscapes and mixed media and I feel that my mixed media work may be a better fit for Effusion.  This being said it has been very quiet this winter season and they are about to head into their prime selling season so we will see what conspires.  I just joined the Live Art Shop in Kaslo, BC and I am very excited to work with Manon and Eliza.  This gallery is very different than Effusion as it is a cooperative gallery focusing on Kootenay artists.  Effusion sells some work from local artist but mainly works with artist from across Canada.  I am a bit of a hippy at heart so I am most comfortable hanging in the Live Art Shop. 

When I ventured out to become a full time artist I didn't realize how challenging it would be.  I am deep into it now and there really is no turning back but there have been some tearful moments.  I have had times this past eighteen months when I have thought "Oh my God what have I done!"  I gave up a great job with security and a great pay cheque.  As much as I enjoyed aspects of my past life, I have found my true passion and my new career offers such a wide variety of opportunities.  I love teaching and never realized that I had the potential to be good at it.  When I teach I realize how much I have learned since becoming serious about my art.  Art offers endless learning, experimenting, opportunity to share and be alone with ones self.  It quiets the soul, allows you to be fully in the moment and challenges you to find ways to take care of yourself so you can keep at it.  It is a questioning process and once you think you have found the answers you have more questions.  Well I could go on and on but all of this would not be possible without the support and love of my husband who takes the brunt of my doubt, excitement and constant chatter about what inspires and challenges me.  My children who continually surprise me with their talents and their love for life. In my old life I was too busy working and didn't have enough time for my family and friends.  Now in my new life I have time for both, but my friends (old friends) don't live close anymore.  However I get constant encouragement and kinds words from them daily as I BOMBARD FB with my photos of art work.  I truly appreciate the time that everyone family, friends new and old take to comment and without the daily communication I would be very lonely.  Thanks for being there!