Reflections on Morning Pages

I started writing my pages this morning and began to reflect back on what the past eleven months have served up.  Firstly the pursuit of becoming a better painter.  This is a subject that I can dive deeply into.  My constant questioning.  Am I reaching deep enough?  Am I painting what I should be painting?  Does my work speak to people? Does it say what I want it to say?  These are some of the questions that plaque me.  Trying to find answers is difficult because you have to put the questions out there, leaving yourself vulnerable to the responses. 

Being a painter or artist is like perpetually walking a tight rope.  You hold on for dear life and hope your going in the right direction.  You hope your friends and family will encourage you to cross to the other side and if you happen to slip that they will be there to catch you.  It is an overwhelming emotional experience being inside yourself so deeply everyday.  Sometimes you like what you find and other times you recognize the aspects of yourself that you don't really like.  You get addicted to being in this place.  This addiction takes over and you need to come up for air, blow some bubbles, be light on your feet give yourself a rest. 

I suppose living with an artist is not such an easy thing.  The highs and lows of pursing your passion can be a little much.  I am looking at this from my perspective but I have experienced this with my family members.  There passion for pursing skiing, mt biking, music, photography.  The fire needed to accomplish a big dream.  This is what life is about, being fully drenched in what makes you tick.  Finding the bomb, isn't easy but very necessary to living a life that is full.  I set goals for myself, I think sometimes I push to hard and don't take time to savor my success. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to the journey.  When I reflect back on the past year I am taking time to celebrate my successes and recognize what I would like to change about myself.  I celebrate the marriage to my best friend, the man that challenges me to be the best I can be and loves me, all of me.  I am so grateful to have the privilege of being mother to my three beautiful children, inside and out.  They have allowed me to make mistakes and in turn I try to provide them with the love and encouragement to support them in finding their passion.  My wonderful kind Mother who's warmth and love created a safe nest to venture from and return to when I need to.  My father who showed me the treasures life has to offer. There are many people in my life that have offered love, kindness and friendship to me and I try to express this in my work. I hope to give back some of the treasures that I have been bestowed. 

To those of you that are reading my blog....thank you for taking the time to do so and I welcome any comments you may have.  Wishing you a wonderful day!